hostility

What is it about our society that fills us all with such hostility? The mindsets that we are instilled with from birth tell us to “Get them before they get you” and “Don’t let anyone hold you back” and “Nice guys finish last.” Soon you start to believe what they tell you– that “I’m not going to let anyone tell me that they are better than me” and that “I’ve got to get to the top even if I have to climb over my peers to get there.” Somewhere along the way, the words “humility” and “compassion” become synonymous with “weakness” and “lack of self-confidence.” Instead of emotional and intellectual reassurance, children are simply told to “do better.”
I was listening to a faith-based radio broadcast this morning that was focused on affirmation of your spouse. (I was interested in the topic, but don’t ask me who was speaking or what author they were talking with–I’m terrible with names!) All the while they were diving deeply and truthfully into this rare topic, it was all I could do to keep from being defensive. We are wired to take offense at the mere mention of “roles” in a marriage. I kept waiting for them to use this word, but they never did. It struck me that I was waiting to be offended by something they said so that I could have an excuse to discredit and ignore the entire conversation. We don’t like to be told how we should do things and we SURE don’t want to be told that we are doing something incorrectly. I didn’t want to be pushed into being the stereotypical fluffy and overly-happy housewife that was at the door with pipe and slippers in hand, waiting anxiously for her bread-winner to walk through the door. “That’s not me,” I kept telling myself. I was becoming hostile at something that wasn’t even suggested.
No woman is going to admit out loud that she wants to be taken care of by her man. But she does. No man is going to admit that he needs to hear that he is doing a good job, because to do so would mean that he is admitting that he is actually unsure of himself. Our children can’t come to us with their emotions because we tell them to “toughen up.” So what have we created?
It strains the mind (and heart) to know that people search their whole lives on this earth for love and acceptance and some will never find it. We tell ourselves, “Carpe diem! Seize the day! Live is short!” and yet we are intimidated by the idea of telling people we care about them, regretting later that we didn’t. So we replace those feelings of inadequacy with feelings of hostility and bitterness, putting forth a “strong” front so that, at the very least, no one will dare question our real feelings. Are you truly happy if you can’t tell your spouse that you are scared of failing at your new job promotion? Are you insecure about your wife’s need to get a job but can’t tell her so, out of fear that she will think you are telling her to “stay in the kitchen?”
This garbage that society is feeding us isn’t making us stronger. It’s weakening us from the inside out.